


If You Give a (Fledgling) Superhero a Sci-Fi Movie

by ArghressivePirate



Category: Smallville, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Chloe swears, Clark swears too (shocking I know) but he was stressed, I'm not sure where this came from, No Smut, Swearing, crackfic, it's super random, just a little bit of language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:58:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArghressivePirate/pseuds/ArghressivePirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dialogue heavy crackfic. Clark watches X-Men First Class. The movie triggers some realizations, and some very interesting conversations ensue. Set sometime during season 7, when Clark and Lana are living together. (For the sake of the timeline, let’s pretend that X-Men First Class came out during 2007 instead of 2011.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Clark Ships Cherik and Chloe Doesn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark watches X-Men First Class. Instead of spamming online message boards with posts lamenting Erik and Charles's beach divorce, the movie makes Clark reflect on the decisions he's made in his own life, and the subsequent loss of friendship that followed. Who does he call to discuss this awakening and try to obtain some advice on how to proceed? An unsuspecting Chloe Sullivan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a long time, but I’m not sure that the final result is even worth posting, so please be kind.

As soon as he exits the sporting goods store, Clark scrolls through his contacts, lands on Chloe’s name, and presses the call button. She picks up on the third ring, and he doesn’t even bother with a greeting before blurting out what’s on his mind.

“Chloe, can a mid-life crisis come early? Because I think I’m having one.”

Chloe sighs into the phone. “The concept of a midlife crisis isn’t even psychology valid, Clark.” She pauses. “But what’s wrong?”

“You know the new movie everyone’s been talking about? The one with the gay mutants? Well, I went to see it.”

“You mean _X-Men First Class_?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

“I thought you didn’t even like superhero movies, Clark. Why’d you go see that?”

“It wasn’t described to me as a superhero movie. I was under the impression it was going to be a rom com.”

“So, basically Lana duped you into seeing it?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I’ll bet she spent the whole movie whispering in your ear about how hot it would be if Erik and Charles just got it on already?”

“Yeah, uh, how’d you know?”

“You know how Lois, Lana, and I had a girls’ night last night? Well, they got drunk and Lois bet Lana you were gay. Lana swore she’d prove you weren’t.”

“Well, uh, okay then. Anyway, the movie made me really uncomfortable, so after we finished it I super speeded away and went out and bought a pool table, hence the early mid-life crisis.”

“Why’d you buy a pool table, Clark?”

“I don’t know how to play chess, but I do know how to play pool, so I figured-”

Chloe interjects before Clark can finish. “Do you even have anyone to play pool with?”

“You see, that’s the thing. Would it be a bad idea if I gave Lex a call and asked him to-”

“Clark, Lana left Lex and took up with you! I’m pretty sure you can answer that question for yourself.”

“Yeah, but what if I broke up with Lana?”

“Break up with Lana? Clark, that’s crazy! You’ve been in love with Lana since the third grade.”

“Maybe I just went after Lana because I thought I _should_ be in love with her. What if Lana’s like that CIA agent Charles sent away in the movie?”

“You’re forgetting the part where Charles sends away the pretty CIA agent and ends up with no one! Erik doesn’t come back to the mansion, and so Charles dedicates his life-”

“Yeah, Charles finds his purpose and all of that. It’s swell. But he never gave up on Erik either. They still take time out of their busy schedule of opposing each other to arrange for chess dates and-”

“CLARK? How much fucking fanfic have you been reading? Lois was totally right, wasn’t she!?”

“Maybe just a little,” he admits.

“I hate to break it to you, but the chess matches aren’t really dates. The chess is symbolic for the greater war Erik and Charles wage against each other.”

“What do you mean war? It’s not like Erik and Charles are arch-nemeses or anything. They were just really good friends who had a tragic argument in Cuba.”

“You haven’t watched any of the other X-Men movies, have you?”

“You mean there’s more?”

“Yes, there’s more, Clark. And Erik and Charles basically do become arch-nemeses.” 

“Well, screw the subsequent movies. I’m calling Lex!”

Clark ends the call with a click of a button.

Chloe sighs. “I’d better go buy Lana some ice cream,” she mutters.


	2. In which Clark Wants to Talk and Lex Doesn't (but his Curiosity Gets the Best of him Anyway)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after his frantic phone call to Chloe, Clark goes ahead with his plan to contact Lex. Things get off to a rocky start, but take a better turn than you might expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to leave this as a one shot, but it felt awfully unfinished. Plus, I haven't written as much of Lex as I have of Clark (which is a problem easily remedied) and Nicnac's comment left me wondering how Lex might respond to Clark's efforts to reach out. This is, ah, the result. Hopefully it doesn't suck too badly.

Clark dials Lex’s number five different times, and he doesn’t pick up once. Clark’s not surprised. In fact, he’s just happy to find that Lex’s number is still the same.

He debates calling for a sixth time, but decides on texting Lex instead. Text messages are harder to ignore than phone calls. Unlike phone conversations, text messages are all reward and no risk. You don’t have to respond to the person you’re avoiding, but you also get to find out why it is they contacted you. Clark is banking on the fact that Lex’s curiosity will win out over his anger, and he’ll at least read the texts. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll even hear back from him.

Clark’s fingers hover over the buttons on his phone, and he finds he’s not sure what to say. He didn’t really think things through before leaping into action. Hadn’t that been one of his father’s platitudes? “Look before you leap” or something like that. Unfortunately, it’s also a lesson Clark was never able to master.

‘Lex, I’ve been trying to get up with you for the last hour,’ he types. It’s not what he wants to say -not what he needs to say- this much he knows, but the preface buys him time to figure out what is.

‘That’s a fact of which I’m well aware. I’ve been ignoring your calls for the last hour.’

Clark isn’t sure how to respond to that. It’s blunter than he’d expected from Lex. He’s far more used to statements with double meanings, statements that take him far too long to wrap his head around. So, he hesitates. His hands are hovering over his phone’s keypad once again. Five minutes pass, then ten, and then-

‘What do you want, Clark? If you’re going to ask a favor, quit wasting both our time, and go ask someone else.’

‘It’s nothing like that. Actually, I just wanted to tell you that I broke up with Lana. I should have never let her come between us.’

‘After everything that happened, you’re contacting me to tell me that? What makes you think I even care?’

Clark sighs. He knows that Lex is angry, and that he’s only protecting himself, but he still can’t help but be frustrated. This isn’t going at all how he wanted. Maybe Chloe was right.

‘I don’t know that you do. I just thought you should know, I guess.’

‘What happened? Ms. Lang didn’t hold up to the ideal of her you had in your head and now that you’ve finally had her, you've found her wanting? That’s typical of you, Clark.’

“Damn it!” says Clark, and there’s no one around to hear him curse, except Shelby, the dog. She’s stretched out on the living room floor, lying underneath the newly acquired pool table, and looks up at him with doleful eyes that indicate she’d expected better of him.

Clark can admit that maybe, just maybe, he’s deserving of Lex’s remark, but he’s also starting to think that Chloe was definitely right. He hadn’t expected this conversation to be easy per se, but he hadn’t expected the level of vitriol Lex has been sending his way either. He’d known things were bad between them, but it seems he’s forgotten just how bad in his haste.

‘That’s not it, Lex . . .’ begins Clark, who pauses to consider what explanation to give.

He debates internally. _Lie or truth, lie or truth?_ he asks himself. Lies haven’t gotten him very far with Lex in the past, but the truth seems just as risky. Still, Clark realizes he doesn’t have any hope of fixing things between them if he resorts to the same tactics he’s always used.

‘I broke up with Lana because I think I might be gay.’ 

The newness of the realization and the associated vulnerability are implied in the wording.

‘What brought about that realization, I wonder.’

Clark considers how to respond. It’s an embarrassing story, due the fact that Lois figured it out before he did, but that doesn’t mean it’s one he can’t share.

‘I know that I’m not welcome at the mansion anymore, but I recently bought a pool table. Maybe you could come over sometime, and I could tell you over a game of pool?’ he types, hesitating briefly before pressing send.

The response clearly isn’t what Lex was expecting, and he doesn’t reply until a few hours later, by which time Clark has already stopped hoping to hear back from him.

Clark hears the beep emitted from his phone and he hesitates to deal with it. He thinks it’s probably another smug text from Lois, an attempt at comfort from Chloe, or an angry message from Lana. He’s been getting a lot of angry messages from Lana lately, and is just beginning to realize that she has quite the vindictive streak.

This text, however, isn’t any of those things. It isn’t very long either; in fact, it only contains one word, but it’s a word that takes Clark by surprise: ‘When?’

Clark reads and rereads it, as if expecting it to change before his eyes, like some cruel cosmic prank. Enough time has passed for Lex to have drunk his fill of scotch, and it's entirely likely he won't mean it come morning, but Clark isn’t ready to question his luck, at least not yet.


	3. In which Clark calls Chloe with another crisis and she helps him sort it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark's feeling a little on edge after his conversation with Lex. Marathoning the rest of the X-Men movies doesn't help, so he calls Chloe. This time he even listens to her advice.

Clark is too on edge to go to bed after his conversation with Lex, since he is worried he might think better of the plans they just made and try to cancel them. Instead of spending the night tossing and turning, Clark decides to marathon the rest of the X-Men movies, his phone by his side the entire time. Then, after finding he's not content with the way things turn out for Charles and Erik, he progresses to checking out the fanfic Chloe had mentioned the last time they talked. And there goes his plan to avoid Sci-fi with the same urgency with which he avoided Kryptonite. 

When it is finally no longer an ungodly hour of the night, but rather an acceptable time of day for calling a friend, he calls Chloe. Chloe, the life saver that she is, picks up almost immediately.

“I’ve having another crisis, Chlo,” says Clark, too wound up to make small talk before getting to the point.

“I take it things didn’t go well with Lex?” asks Chloe, sympathy already threaded through her voice. 

“Not at first, no, but everything turned out pretty well. Or I’m optimistic that it will, at least.” 

“So, then what’s the problem?” 

“First off, I marathoned the rest of the X-Men movies last night. Bad idea. There’s a reason I avoid Sci-fi.” 

Chloe sighs. “I could have told you weren’t going to like them. I mean, you got spooked that time you watched E.T. Sci-fi just isn’t your thing. But what else?” 

“Hey, E.T. may as well have been a horror flick! There were all those scary government suits chasing that poor little alien- with guns!” Here Clark pauses, suddenly interested in nudging the rug that was under him with his feet. “Anyway, I –ah– kind of asked Lex out on a date.” 

“I’m not sure I follow. How do you kind of ask someone out?” 

“Well, I guess there isn’t really any ‘kind of’ about it. I definitely asked him over to play pool.” Clark stares at the pool table as he said this, and then sheepishly at Shelby, who is again splayed out underneath it. The thing is really taking up more space in his living room than he expected. 

Chloe’s next question comes out in an impatient huff. “Well, what did he say?” 

“We made plans,” says Clark. “That’s the scary part.”

“I don’t get it. I thought that’s what you wanted.” 

Clark frowns. Chloe’s right, but wanting something and knowing what to do with it when you get it are two entirely different things. And Clark was pretty sure that, as far as first dates go, this one is going to be a doozy. It’s bound to contain all the newness, the nervousness, of a first date, combined with the pressure of meeting up with an ex after time spent apart and trying to see if you can fit into their life again.

“It is. And I don’t know what I would have done with the pool table if he hadn’t said yes. But I’m afraid I’m going to fuck things up. We don’t exactly have the best track record, and I realize that’s partly my fault.”

“Well, then it’s simple. Don’t. . . fuck things up. You know what not to do because of your history, so just avoid falling into the same traps as before.” 

“That’s . . . easier said than done. I didn’t realize I was falling into those traps the first time. What makes you think I’ll do any better now?” 

“Experience, for one. And for another, I think you’re learned not to take your friendship with Lex for granted. So you’ll be more careful this time around. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll make you a list of what not to do, so you at least have a starting place.”

“W-why are you being so helpful? I didn’t think you-?” 

“Liked Lex anymore?” finishes Chloe. “I don’t, not since you two had your falling out. He used to be pretty cool, but lately he’s been hostile, antagonistic. It’d be easier for everyone, really, if you two made up. Besides, I want you to be happy, Clark, and if you think you can find happiness with Lex then you should go for it.” 

“It’s just one date,” says Clark. “We’ll see where it goes, I guess.”

In a flash, Clark realizes there is something else he needs to worry about, and he blanches. “What do I wear?” 

“Probably the same sort of thing you would have worn on a date with Lana,” says Chloe, before realizing how awkward that sounds. An uncomfortable moment threatens to linger, and she presses on, hoping to cover it. “I can help you pick something out, if you want. When’s the date? Sometime next weekend, I’m assuming.” 

“Yeah, it’s on Saturday,” says Clark. 

“OK, cool. So, we’ll meet up before then.”

“One second,” says Chloe, before Clark can respond, and Clark can hear murmured conversation on the other end of the line. “Lana’s back. I should probably go.”

“How is she?” asks Clark.

“She’ll be fine,” says Chloe because Lana would kill her if she said anything else, and because even though Clark showed a distinct lack of tact in dumping Lana an immediately going after her ex, Chloe doesn’t want him to feel guilty. He’s finally figuring himself out, and it’s not something he should beat himself up over. 

“Talk to you later, Chlo,” says Clark. “And thanks for all the help.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [He'll Want an (Ex-)Best Friend to Watch It With](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003054) by [Nicnac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac)




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